I have developed this disease; my eyes roll into their sockets , upwards. my tongue curls, there is saliva (is) growing in my mouth, my head is twirling within. i want to throw up, i want to use the toilet. (Thats the feeling) Its in my mouth. its in my rectum. I could shout and scream but (only) i dont know what comes first.
I freak out. i calm myself. I tell myself it would be easier if i had the (a)swiming pool instead of (this) a pond. I would excite myself, drown myself. make my heart pump faster. get my tongue to uncurl. empty my mouth of the saliva. (frighten)scare myself to death. (G)grow out of this imaginary trance.
I have (grown)become popular in the circle of my friends.(they’all) everybody is convinced they know(understand) me now. they get me. that i am fuckin’ amazing. I soon will sell out. (abandon)stop doing the things i used to do when i sat about unnoticed, abandon(forget) the man i love for he isnt my only friend and companion anymore.
I am tempted to walk about naked. she tells me i have a beautiful body. well sculpted like the dolls in China. Last night she touched my skin, couldnt get her finger to move off it, to stop carelessly stroking it, her eyes saying it; I love the skin the on your body.
Am thinking of moving house. quiting my job. buying a house in Tangiers (switch to cadaquez). and settling down with the sands and stones of the south. Life is pretty obvious on the weekend
Happy Valentines anti-pie. kisses