DO YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
thats how the red and white cards on a panel infront of me read.
I know whats its saying. Christmas holidays! 20th! dead-furk’g-lines!
I called the embassy today. my heart lost six beats to a slow loop of mixed emotions. Not very mixed, for the words going through my head were….It Must Be Found!
I am superstitious. In ways that many people aren’t. So I read the words he was using and i went off over my head. I told him to Stop. Because am superstious. Because when someone tells me i can’t do it, i dont do it. I am not the type that uses negativity as a strength. I am not the type that wants to put on a challenge. I see the best. i go out to search for the best. i get the best. That which i dont get is what i didnt seek out for in the first place.
So i never want anyone to interrupt me with… What if you don’t get it.
I don’t panic. I dont freak out. Not openly. not so much that i let me notice it.
Very many people hate me for this. Very many people don’t get me for this.
Because when am supposed to be freaking out, i don’t. I smile. I eat and I laugh.
I would like to attribute it to the fact that i have watched three women die. Two were both mothers of me and to me. The other was a close friend, and a relative.
So maybe, subcounsciously, i go; what possibly can get worse!
But then again. I know this is not the reason.
Its because, and truly so. That i learnt earlier on, that panicking and freaking out wont help the process.
When some one is dying (the worst that can happen), the best you can do, is to calm yourself down, and do what you are supposed to do; Either hold their hands and speak to them softly and encouragingly- into their eternal sleep. Or call for help—in calm. with composure. Freaking out, does not make the sun come out a minute earlier. or the church bells at six o’clock on a cold saturday morning stop diiiiiiiiing-doooonging.