When you know you can’t get it, that you have no way of getting to it. Then you really want it. You desire it, you crave for it. You darn freaking need it.
Another day doesn’t make the situation better. Time does not ease this particular pain nudge.
Yes, you have contacts in your phone book, but that is as far close as you will get to them. Then you think of the last time. The last time you could have but you didn’t. You didn’t need to. There was no desire, no craving. You could have had all that you want, anything that you want, at the the very time you thought you did want it. But the need wasn’t there, because, there was no reason for it to be. No nudge.
What I really need right now is a Tibetan monk living in Africa, especially in East Africa. A Tibetan born Monk. That is what I should need. What I should be searching for (and i have been). But this is not what am writing about. It is not the different pains sparks that is going through me.
I have seen feet. I saw these feet many hours ago. Feet that look exactly like hands- beautiful hands, amazing hands. Hands you want to touch and have them touch you, hold you. Touching and holding your own hands.
I couldn’t stop staring, I thought of getting off from the window sill where i was seated, listening and loving Radio Head, and nearer to the feet, get down on my knees and touch them. Hold them- gently and carefully. And have a conversation with them; Hi, glad to meet you. I am phoebe. I had no idea, some one (some things) can be so beautiful and yet so down to earth…..
But i didn’t. Instead I poured hot wax on the body that bears these feet.
Some one get me a Monk…… I know a place with great ice cream. really.