Time After Time

what is appropriate… what is right…what do i say or do…. in times like these.

Kony did not sign. Not that I expected him to, but like every one else, i wanted to be suprised so badly that I let my self go. I wanted to get at least one final good ‘thing’ out of some one, well, not good. aaah. he didnt and now i almost think he never will. So clearly, am not even playing that “when Kony signs game”. Yet still am totally confused. Confused by not his “i have diarrohea i cant sign or ooops, i think i will take rain check”. what confuses me is today’s headline in the Daily Monitor Kony kills his Deputy. Who the hell is Kony? Why would he kill his deputy? First Otti disappeared, the prefered term was death. Now Odhiambo. No, hold that; first he slaughters his own people, his tribes men. And now, his own men, his deputies… Who in the world is Joseph Kony? Are we missing something??? Is it bigger than our papers can report?

It is the month of april, Rwandans all over the world take some time off to commemorate the genocide. My four year old cousin in Kigali tells me she cant celebrate her 5th birthday because it is Kyunamo (mourning period). She wasnt complaining, she actually was suggesting. she says it is inappropriate. my four old cousin told me that

I have never really attended any of the commemoration services. but i take some time off to pray (or rather think about) for my mother’s mother and my brother who were killed during the genocide. I respect this period and what it stands for—this should never happen. “Never again”- only if!

And during this period, while i remember members of my family, and those who have suffered under the “Joseph Kony” regime, i have mourned the closure of my ‘up market salon’, i have dolled up and gone to the ‘red carpet premier’ of Kiwani the movie, and i have during all this been mourning the love that isnt excatly mine- My Fav. Bachelor.

Is it appropriate? What is appropriate?

Carol Mugusha is hot! Carol Mugasha is African Woman Hot! Carol Mugasha on the cover of African Woman magazine looks like a hell lot more than a million dollars. She looks like a girl i have never met, and never will meet on the cover of Elle Magazine, or American Vogue. Carol Mugasha is plain hot… on that cover…. and she plays basketball.

Is that appropriate? Should I say things like those about a fellow heterosexual woman? In times like these?

I love him, i wish i didnt, but i do. I am in love with him. and there were times when he made absolutely happy. Times when he was the best thing in my world… my muse too. We used to talk for hours… i would sit right infront of him and just look at him. for hours. seriously. he is funny, he is a guy, respectful of women and all the people he associates with. he is very considerate of people’s feelings too… probably the reason why he waited for me to truly be in love with him to announce his pending nuptials.

Is it then appropriate that even when i called it off, whatever It was, i still have all these feelings for him. I still love him. that i still wish, many times i wasnt four years too late- even when i dont think i would have been the one for him, or he for me. Is it right?

Time after time I wonder. and i worry. What is appropriate


3 Comments Add yours

  1. Sleepless says:

    Every girl needs to suffer heartbreak of this time in order to become a woman. Take that from a woman who has no heart.

    Carol Mugasha does look very, very hot in AW! Don’t feel shy about showering the praise, girl. The best compliments I have ever received are from women because I know there is no agenda involved.

  2. carol says:

    hi there i just want to say thanks for the compliments.

  3. phoebe says:

    @carol, just stay fabulous. dont let anyone take away it from u.
    @Tumwi do send me tips on how to be that fab. without a heart…

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