Hi little woman; its been really long since we last were together. I miss you. How could you just up and leave. Just like that?! no letter, no warning, not even an offline.
You could have hinted, you know. told me you were over it, or almost over it. Informed me that you couldnt go on like that, living my life, listening to my stupid little, almost hilarious lies. You could have complained, even slightly about the carelessnes that i have started to carry my heart with. you had a say in it all, a right to give me an ultimatum to either choose you or my reckless ways. Although, i never thought of my ways as reckless, and i dont think i carry my heart around carelessly.
Oh wait, this is the reason you up and left- without a word. You knew i would be defensive, start claiming how i know what am doing and that it is right for us. because i am the body that carries you. You are just a soul, the world doesnt need u. It has been running steady (crazily steady) without u for this long. why would i need you. You knew about all these, my subconcious thoughts.
But you should also have known that i am no good without you. I am nothing. A body. a shell. and the world needs me only from a distance. am no use upclose. because am all empty.
Now i sit here; all alone, empty, cold, hollow and more many of which i will mention soon as find the appropriate words.
When this month began, i promised myself i would come out and search for you. but you hid so far. And because its dark and scary, in the places where i have gotten stuck while trying to find you (no, i am not blaming you)- i have become too frightened to try and search farther. To go on farther into lost land. To search around blindly, bumping into shadows and undefined forms.
Maybe if you were here, i would know where to go, where to search, which lead to follow. But then again, if you were, i wouldnt need to go around searching in the first place.
And in this cold, dark, damp in where am stuck, i have met owls, rats, one or two doves that have also turned to no good in a place like this and different kinds of vultures. There times when i decided to stick with the no-good doves. But they were no good, so i moved on. Then i thought about the rats, but come on, even in the movie Ratatouille i couldnt shed off that feeling that they are rats ughrrrrr. So no i never did get around to them. i actually have stayed very far away from them.
So I am with the vultures. They have a way with me. They know how to make me laugh, make me feel needed and wanted, they know when to shut up, and start listenining. But they also are vultures. So they’ve been nibbling, chewing on me, and little by little they have eaten all of this shell that is me.
Now i need you. I need you to rescue me. come to me, you know where I am.
Please come for me. come be with me.