This morning, Some one told me that I wasn’t qualified to write about Marriage, for they imagined, after reading the headline To Have and To Hold, that the column in Monday’s Monitor (people,places) is about marriage.
So let’s see, reading the headline alone, and especially my particular headlines, does not qualify you to make judgments.
Suffice it to say, I am as qualified to write about marriage as the next woman. I might not be married, and probably will not get there, and I will probably not get there (I have to write it twice, to undo the jinx), but hey, I haven’t met one married woman telling the truth about this sacred institution.
Instead they are pushing their friends, daughters and whoever else to join them in what they shall never get into details about- marriage.
So the person who was disqualifying me on the column (which has nothing to do with marriage by the way, and my piece was about true love and lasting relationships), said that I have to be married to know what exactly it is about, because all I know is based on ‘above the surface observation’.
So what have I missed out, I asked; the bitter truth, the tears in the middle of the night… begging him to touch you, willing for him to make love with you and not to just do his obligatory marital duties- and this swings both ways. (Oh by the way, she didn’t mention these things, but I made them out by the way she looked at me when I asked what I have missed out in my observation).
I would like to point out that I have, for as long as I can remember respected the institution of marriage and married people; especially the stable and happily married (even seemingly).
But don’t get fooled, am not as impressionable. I know marriage is not all about the Idos, Sunday lunch with the in-laws, and raising those little rag-rats together- okay, that’s what it is about. What I am trying to say here is that I know it’s not easy; there is a lot of giving up and giving in. Being hopeful and believing in the invisible.
It is a lot of planning, and seeing beyond today; having a vision and no just for yourself but everyone involved. It is, in simple language, an institution you can never exactly be ready for, but when you get into it, then you are.
Like my Grand mother used to say, Nha Mwana Ubyara Undi (no child gives birth to another). By the time you have a child, then you are old enough, you are an adult. Like wise, by the time you get married, when you do get married, then you are ready for whatever.